


Multi-faceted

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Series: Mute Akira [5]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Mute Akira, Sickfic, Sign Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 15:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11581047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: He felt useless. Being powerless was something he was becomingunaccustomed to. He couldn’t help him. He couldn’t eventalkto him.The frustration was slow in coming, these days, but the rush of it just then was so great that it nearly brought tears to his eyes.ie Yusuke is sick and Akira has a crisis of conscience





	Multi-faceted

**Author's Note:**

> Masozii and I are doing a trade and I really think I'm getting a better deal out of it because she's drawing me Ignis and I still feel iffy about this whole story but I wrote 3k so I'm hoping at least part of this comes across as good T_T
> 
> #### ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY I DIDN'T PLAN TO POST THIS ON YOUR BIRTHDAY BUT THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS SO I HAD TO

What possessed Akira to let Yusuke follow them into the Metaverse when he was sick, he still didn’t know. He’d made this mistake before and would evidently continue to make it, because he had no _common sense_ , damn it…

He hadn’t know that Yusuke’s immune system was all… not right, though. What had it been that Tae had said… secondary immunodeficiency? Or maybe it was primary. Akira didn’t know. Tae had started talking about all of these things when he had brought Yusuke in and, for once, he hadn’t felt like listening to her.

He was just… _so_ sick.

Akira hadn’t known the extent of the illness when he’d showed up at the cafe, and by then it wasn’t like he could turn him away. He would have had to walk back to the train by himself, and get back to the dorms by himself, and none of them could afford the time to go with him because they were so crunched on it, anyway. So Akira had brought him along. And _intended_ to have him sit out for the most of the time, which of course hadn’t happened. He wanted to be angry with Yusuke for being so stupid, pushing himself past where he should be, but… mostly he was just angry with himself.

And scared. Of course scared.

“Hey.”

Akira straightened up as Tae spoke from the doorway. He wondered how long she had been standing there.

“You should go home. It’s late. I’ll be here with him.”

Akira shook his head.

“I know you’re worried, but–”

_No._

She might have argued, if it had been anyone else, Akira expected, if the following sigh was anything to go by. But she didn’t, just said “You can stay over if you want, but you need to tell Boss where you’re at.”

He started to sign on reflex, and then stopped. Tae’s extent of sign language started and stopped with _yes_ and _no._ She only recognized those because he had had to answer a bunch of questions for her when they had first agreed to the clinical trials. He reached for the notepad he always kept, realized he didn’t have his bag because they had been in a Palace, and then gave up. He could always type on his phone, but instead he just nodded. He had already texted Sojiro, and Ann, in the event that he didn’t go to school tomorrow. She could take notes for him if it came to that.

“At least try to get some rest. He’s in good hands.”

He nodded again, folding his arms across his stomach. He still felt a little sick himself, after watching Yusuke faint in the Palace. It hadn’t even been a rough battle, just… one too many, he guessed. He hadn’t _noticed_ … he’d just kept right on going, concerned with deadlines and trying to figure which masks he was looking for without needing to consult the compendium. Stupid things. Then Yusuke had started to talk, or at least said his name, and… just collapsed. Like his strings had been cut. Crumpled straight to the ground in a dead faint, and they hadn’t been able to get him awake until they’d gotten outside the Metaverse. It had been a struggle enough to get him to the clinic on his own. Ryuji had offered to help, but since Akira was heading that way, anyway, and Yusuke had been at least minutely conscious at the time, it had seemed pointless to have him come all the way over and then have to go all the way back.

He had a hell of a fever, though. It was probably why he had fainted in the first place. He’d been burning when Akira had cradled his face in his hands and he was still too warm even with how much cooler it was in the clinic and the wet compress on his forehead.

Akira cringed when Tae put a blanket around his shoulders. She had left. He hadn’t heard her come back. “Seriously, give your mind a break. I don’t know who he is to you, but probably he wouldn’t want you worrying yourself sick.”

Again, a nod. He reached to pull the blanket further over his shoulders. Maybe he could doze off. Probably not.

  


 

He did sleep, for however long. He didn’t know. He had ended up resting his arms on the bed, and his head had pillowed against them and he had just… watched. There was little he could do, but he couldn’t _leave_. He wouldn’t leave.

Someone moving woke him up, and Akira dragged his head from his arms to find Yusuke bleary-eyed and looking confused, but _awake_. He sat up so quickly that the joints in his back cracked and signed _hey, how are you feeling?_ so fast that, given a lack of response, Yusuke probably didn’t have time to comprehend it. He just kind of laid there and looked at Akira like he wasn’t really seeing him, and apprehension washed over Akira in waves. _Hey._ He tried again, slower. _Are you with me?_

“… sorry,” Yusuke said. His voice cracked. Akira pushed himself up and over to the pitcher of water sitting nearby. “Can’t… too much…” By the time Akira had turned around with the water, his eyes had closed again.

He nudged Yusuke’s shoulder, and they came back open. He held out the cup of water, and then watched slow comprehension form in his friend’s eyes. Slowly, even more slowly, Yusuke reached out to take the cup. Akira shook his head and tapped more firmly at Yusuke’s shoulder, urging him up to drink.

He only managed a couple of swallows, the arm that he’d propped himself up on shaking, before falling back into the pillows. Akira smoothed a piece of his hair away from his sweaty forehead and ducked out of the room to get Tae’s attention. She was, like Akira, pleased to see him awake.

“There you are,” she said, gently pressing the end of a thermometer to Yusuke’s lips. “Your friend has been worried. Can you tell me how you’re feeling?” The thermometer beeped and she removed it. “Your fever’s still quite high. I don’t like that.”

Yusuke looked at her, and continued to look at her, and Akira hovered uselessly in the background while there was silence and the same, horrible uneasiness.

“Kitagawa-san?”

“… mm?”

“Do you know what happened?”

Another long pause, and then a shake of his head on the pillow.

“Your friend said you passed out while you were out sightseeing for art.” Tae gave Akira a look. He’d seen the look before. It was the _I don’t believe anything you are telling me_ look.

“… mm.” Yusuke closed his eyes again. “‘m sorry…”

“Hm.” Tae crossed her arms. “Go back to sleep, child. We’ll watch over you.”

Yusuke didn’t reply; he must have been taking it to heart. Or he was just sick enough that he hadn’t heard and was drifting anyway. Probably the latter.

“I’ll be frank, his fever needs to go down. With his immunodeficiency, it makes it easier for him to contract something like pneumonia. If he’d been feeling bad for awhile, I’m honestly surprised it hasn’t gotten worse than this,” Tae said, when she had led Akira out of the room. “And if it gets worse, that’s bad. Especially for someone like him.”

Akira slumped against the counter. And then reached over it for a memo pad and pencil. _He mentioned a few days ago that he had a cold, but I’m not sure how bad or how long before that. I haven’t seen him._ Coming to think of it, the fact that Yusuke hadn’t been in the underground probably meant he _had_ been sick for awhile. Oh damn, stupid, he was so _stupid_.

“Well, he hasn’t improved since you brought him in. Actually, the fever’s gone up with the night, which is usual, but I’m going to get him on a saline drip and see if that helps by morning.”

Whatever Tae thought was going to help, he was more than ready for her to try. Akira didn’t know much about medicine, save what he had picked up from working with her, and the basic first aid that he had studied up on because of their escapades into the Metaverse. The way he treated himself when he was sick was medication and sleep and more sleep. Yusuke was going to need a little extra help, though. He thanked God for not the first time that he knew such a good doctor.

Akira took up vigil at Yusuke’s side again when Tae had finished, smoothing the compress over his forehead again. And glancing behind him at the closed exam room door before smoothing his hand over Yusuke’s hand. He felt useless. Being powerless was something he was becoming _un_ accustomed to. He couldn’t help him. He couldn’t even _talk_ to him.

The frustration was slow in coming, these days, but the rush of it just then was so great that it nearly brought tears to his eyes. If he didn’t… if he could just… what if Yusuke could _hear_ him, what if it helped him fight this… there were so many things left unsaid– unsigned– he couldn’t imagine if he didn’t– if Yusuke didn’t–

“… please.” His own voice sounded so foreign that he almost cringed. Breathless and raspy and it sounded _horrible_. It had been months, it had been months and _months_ – “Yusuke… please…” This was stupid. He hated that he couldn’t speak and he hated that he could. He hated that he had been so careless and he hated that Yusuke was laying there, unconscious. “I’m… here…” He hated the way his own voice sounded and he hated having to bury his face against Yusuke’s too hot shoulder to muffle it, and he hated that his eyes were burning and that he seized Yusuke’s hand and _squeezed_ hard enough that it would probably bruise. He needed him, dammit, he _needed_ him– he was the only one– he was, there was, he hadn’t, he just had so much to say and couldn’t unclench his teeth to say it, couldn’t move his hands from clutching at his best friend to sign anything, either, couldn’t do _anything_ except curl into Yusuke even when he shouldn’t and hope and wait and _hope_ –

  


 

The next time he woke, it was from something knocking him upside the head, jarring him awake and knocking his glasses askew.

“… ngh, apologies.”

Yeah, yeah, he thought, and then wrenched his head from the bed when he recognized the voice and remembered the situation. Yusuke was awake, and looking back at him, and still looking groggy but a little more… _there_ than he had been overnight. Maybe the medication had kicked in. Maybe the saline had helped.

He was still holding onto Yusuke’s hand, so he squeezed it gently and then pulled away. _Hey._ He tried to make his movements a little slower. _How are you feeling?_

His tongue swept over his lips and Yusuke’s eyes moved around the room. “… a little confused,” he murmured, as Akira stood to get him a glass of fresh water.

 _Do you remember anything?_ he asked, after handing it over. Yusuke was propping himself up easier; he was still using the pillow for support, but he wasn’t shaking nearly as badly. He wanted to gulp at the water, too, until Akira waved a hand and reminded him to go slow. All good signs. Akira hoped it wasn’t temporary.

“No… wait… yes. We were… at a Palace?”

 _Yeah. You fainted and I brought you here._ Akira glanced at the clock. It was past time for school. _You’ve been sleeping since evening. Why didn’t you tell me you were actually that sick? You said you had a cold!_

Yusuke looked back at him without response, but Akira could practically see the gears turning. Like he was trying to think of something. Or understand. Oh.

 _Are you getting me?_ Of course he was having trouble following the signs. However better he was feeling, he still had a fever which was making him groggy, he had just woken up which was probably making him groggy, of course he wasn’t with it enough to be able to understand Akira chastising him in sign language. Now _he_ was the one pushing him too fast.

“Mostly. I just have a headache,” Yusuke muttered, pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead.

 _And you just woke up,_ Akira signed, even if he wasn’t looking. Then he touched his arm and _I’ll go get Doctor Takemi._

“Okay.”

He was kicked out of the exam room while Tae fussed over him. He guessed it was less about privacy and more about the fact that there was a bowl of ochazuke and Tae told him to eat it because he hadn’t eaten all night. He did, if only to pass the time. He still wasn’t really hungry.

Yusuke was looking not necessarily better, but at least more awake when Tae allowed him back in. “I'm sorry, Akira. I didn’t mean to cause such trouble,” he started, but Tae interrupted from the door.

“I said _rest_ , Kitagawa-san,” she said sternly. “You just told me that you don’t feel well. Don’t lie to your friend and pretend that you do.”

“Right…”

 _Signing?_ he asked, and then mimed writing.

“I think I’m conscious enough to understand you this time,” Yusuke said quietly. “I apologize for earlier.”

_No, my fault._

“I had a bit of a strange dream, to be honest.”

_Oh?_

“I dreamed that I heard your voice.” Yusuke smiled faintly. “Such as are fever dreams.”

Oh. He _had_ heard him. How? He had been… so out of it. Or maybe his unconscious had just picked it up because it was kind of a huge deal given _Akira didn’t speak_. Usually. God why had he done that. Except… maybe… if Yusuke had heard him, it wouldn’t have all been for nothing. It wouldn’t have been pointless. It wouldn’t have been _bad_.

 _Was it a nice voice?_ He shouldn’t have asked. He couldn’t help it.

“I think it must have been, for me to remember.” He shuffled down into his pillows a bit, tugging at the blanket. “I didn’t think I was so sick… but I should have remembered that my immune system isn’t up to par… can’t afford to visit– visit the doctor. I’ll have to give up art supplies for awhile to pay this back…”

Akira wasn’t really listening to Yusuke mumble on. He probably shouldn’t keep him talking, but… _Umm, that might have actually… been me,_ he signed slowly.

Yusuke looked back at him for a moment, looking as though he didn’t understand what he’d said. Again. To be fair, this concept was a bit more of a shock. “What?”

_I… might have talked. I was, um, worried. Your fever was really high and… yeah, I was worried._

He was still staring. Less confused, and more… surprised. “I thought you didn’t.”

 _I can,_ Akira signed. _I used to. Back before… before everything happened at home. But the people that I loved didn’t believe what I said, so I stopped talking. What was the point? I’d say I’m selective except I’ve never actually spoken since then, so…_

“But…” Yusuke tried to sit up.

 _No, lay down, you need to_ rest _, Yusuke._

They went mostly unheeded, his concerns. Yusuke propped himself back on the pillow, even as he coughed and splayed his fingers against his chest. “Why me?”

Did he have to make him repeat it? Or look at him like the fact that Akira could talk was the biggest thing to happen since their Personas had awoken? Akira swallowed and continued. _Because I was worried. I thought maybe… if you could hear me, it would… I don’t know, help. It was stupid._

“It wasn’t stupid.”

 _I just…_ He looked away. His face was warm. Maybe he was catching Yusuke’s fever. No, he knew he wasn’t. _Trust you. And I just wanted you to… I just thought–_

Yusuke’s hand closed around Akira’s. It was still too warm, and too clammy, but Akira looked at it and then at Yusuke, and try not to pay attention to the roiling feeling in his stomach. It wasn’t stupid. It was just _overwhelming_. It really was a big deal, a huge one, and he was nervous and scared and upset with himself but he couldn’t admit it. Speaking was _weird_ , speaking made him stressed and it had made him feel alone, back at home, but he had wanted Yusuke to _hear_ him, he wanted to trust him enough to let him hear him and he _did_ , but it didn't make it  _easy_ –

“Thank you, Akira. I trust you, too.”

Definitely overwhelming. He kind of wanted to cry again. Before he could do that, he clasped both of his hands around Yusuke’s and beamed.

“I trust you to drag my unconscious body from the Metaverse, after all,” Yusuke said quietly, and self-deprecatingly, and Akira still huffed a laugh.

_Never again, Yusuke. You tell me if you feel that bad again._

“I will.” He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry to have worried you.”

It’s okay now, Akira thought, but he didn’t bother to sign it. Instead, he leaned forward to peck a kiss against Yusuke’s cheek. Nonverbal communication would, probably always now, be easier than actually speaking.

Yusuke never seemed to mind. _I love you too, Akira._ He signed it without opening his eyes, and tilted his head slightly into Akira’s presence. “Thank you for taking care of me. Tell the others, too…”

Thank _you_ for taking care of me, too. He didn’t sign that, either. He pressed his hand against Yusuke’s shoulder in acknowledgment and gladly let him hold his hand as he fell back asleep.

No. None of this was stupid. Neither of them were, either. It was difficult, and that was why they were getting each other through it. Love and learning to trust and acceptance and… all of that stuff that Akira was too tired and too content to ruminate on for now. For now, he would sit with Yusuke and keep an eye on his fever and maybe doze off, too. It had been a long day. Funny that it had turned out to be a good one, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> actual story content notes: yes. Akira can talk. it has just become probably THE hardest thing to do because, like he explains, no one believed him when he needed them to the most and those weren't even his _friends_ , that was his _family_. so while he trusts Sojiro, and the rest of the gang, and especially Yusuke, that doesn't make it any easier and he isn't going to (likely ever) default to that. but he still pushes through it because he wants to prove to Yusuke that he does love and trust him - quite needlessly, as Yusuke 100% already knows
> 
>  
> 
>  _"The most damaging aspect of abuse is the trauma to our hearts and souls from being betrayed by the people that we love and trust." - Unknown_ (thought it was a fitting quote here)


End file.
